A New Era

Since my grandmother died last week, I've been grasping with the concept that I'm at the top of the heirarchy on my side of the family. I'm the lead woman for my daughter to follow; there are no generations left before me.

I started questioning this past week what I will pass on to my daughter. What values have I learned that I will instill in her? What path will she take in life when she's old enough to make her own decisions that actually will affect her adulthood? What will my guidance do for her? What is it about my life that will take her far?

Hopefully, she'll take just a little bit of what I've learned:

I am the daughter of a woman who fought, and lost, her battle with breast cancer: I am an advocate of all things healthy, and of all ways to promote early detection. I watched as my mom's life literally wilted away, taken by a disease there's still no cure for. Still. No. Cure. For. And I continue to see how her death affects her family even two decades later. How we still miss her. How we wish she was here. I hate cancer. I will pass on to my daughter strength, the wisdom to take care of her body, and adversity to overcome obstacles in her life.

I am a survivor of rape: I was raped at knifepoint at age 20 by a stranger in a park while I was running/working out. Through this experience, I learned how to forgive (it took 7 years) and move on. I learned to be wary of my surroundings and that it's okay to still be scared. I learned to be grateful for a parole board who has kept this man in prison for coming up on 16 years, denying him parole year after year. I learned how to get back out and run again, even though it took 14 years to find the courage. I will pass on to my daughter resilience, strength, power and control. And if she loses all this at the hands of one man, I will teach her how to get it back.

I am a military wife: I have packed and moved five times in nine years. I have supported my husband, left jobs -- my career for a while -- and friends. I make sure we keep in touch with those friends who have meant the most over the years, who have made a difference. I have set up our home, and lives, all over the world. I will pass on to my daughter determination, independence, strength.

I am a runner: I am not fast, but I love what I do. I love the feeling running gives me, the accomplishment I feel after every run, every race. I love that it keeps me in shape and that I am two clothes sizes smaller than when I started two years ago. I love the freedom it gives me; that it's my time, and my time only. It's what keeps me sane. I love that my daughter watches me lace up and knows I get up early every morning for my runs. I love that she wants to follow in my steps. I will pass on to her the importance of exercise to not only the body, but the soul.

I am a friend: It's hard to let people into my heart. Maybe it is because as a military brat, we moved so much and friends would come and go, and friendships would drift off more and more with each move. As a child, and even as an adult, I have weathered heartache, heartbreak and tears because of friends. But through it, even with the carefully-placed wall I set up around me, I have friends who haven't given up. They have moved their way into my life knowing it's hard for me to let them do so. Those are my lifelong friends. One, I met 26 years ago. Two others, five and even just one year ago. I will pass on to my daughter the ability to open her heart to people who love her.

I am a mom: I took this position not knowing what to expect. I think everything I've learned in life, everything I've experienced, has prepared me for this role. Every storm I've weathered has made me the mom I am, faults and all. I am lucky to be a mom to a beautiful, fiercely independent girl, who I treasure with my life, my entire being. Because of her, and because of her acceptance of who I am, I will pass on to her the beauty life has to offer.